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Question
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My husband and I are into light S&M. Love bondage, a little slapping and pinching, some light biting. We
totally enjoy it, but we noticed that a couple of other online advice columnists say that this is a very
bad thing -- that it is a diagnosable condition and that we should stop and get help. One columnist even
quotes from a number of diagnostic manuals that say it is an illness. Should we really be worried, or are
these columnists full of it?
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Answer
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Yes, I have read these columns as well. One columnist (I think you know who I am talking about) has
even written frequently that all forms of S/M are "sick" and often mentions that if you pair orgasm
with pain, you are on a slippery slope that will end up with pedophilia and mass murder! I don't buy it.
While some of these columnists are quick to mention that various psychiatric manuals define sexual
sadism and sexual masochism as disorders, they never cite the disclaimer that follows. For example,
the disclaimer found in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders -- Fourth Edition
(DSM-IV) states: "Diagnostic Criteria B: The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically
significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning."
So, you can see that the issue is not with the behavior per se, but rather what impact it has on your
life. Heck, if eating too much mayonnaise causes significant impairment in your life, then I would
categorize that as a disorder. The real issue is whether this is something that is enhancing your life
and relationship or detracting from it. An additional idea for enhancing this part of your sex life is
trying the Naughty Fantasy Kit.
This little kit is a perfect adjunct to spicing up the S/M part of your love life.
As long as what you do is safe, sane, and consensual, I don't see there being a problem. Sexual behaviors
related to S/M play is not unhealthy, an "illness" or cause for concern. There is no need to stop, get
help, or worry unless the behaviors and activities begin to significantly interfere with daily activities
and/or your relationship. Besides, what are you doing reading those other sex advice columns anyway?
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Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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