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Question
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A clinical psychologist in private practice in Seattle, I have been
working with a 35-year-old blind man and his partner, a sighted woman,
for quite a while, counseling them on his low sex drive and inability to
get or sustain an erection. As a blind person, he isn't sure what is
"normal" in terms of psychosexual development or turn-ons in the absence
of visual stimuli. He seems to have a "take it or leave it" feeling
about sex. Do you have any advice?
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Answer
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Sadly, literature on sexuality and sensory impairment is almost
nonexistent. Many disability and sexuality researchers have been less
interested in researching this topic because sexual function is often
not affected in people with sensory disabilities. However, as we both
know, the sexual development of people who grow up with sensory
impairments is much different than in their able-bodied peers.
It has been my experience that blind people have a hard time believing
they are sexually desirable. I believe it has to do with a number of
different factors: an inability to see how they appear to others, not
seeing themselves as "desirable" in their partner's eyes and believing
discriminative stereotypes that people with disabilities are asexual.
I recommend the following for getting over the hump, so to speak:
- Bring sex toys into the couples' sexual repertoire, which can help
spice things up and give tactile stimulation of penis-like and vaginal-like devices.
- Listen to
sexual instructional films
or erotic movies, if possible, with a sighted assistant interpreting.
- Listening to erotic books on tape, which tend to be more descriptive than erotic films.
- Talk about sexual fantasies and perhaps get a book of fantasies on tape.
I think it's important to keep in mind that many people with
disabilities have very little or no exposure to sex education. While
able-bodied people may also have limited exposure, they are hit hard by
media portrayals of sexuality, constantly exposing them to sexual themes
of which people with visual impairments are unaware.
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Best,
Dr. Linda Mona, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in disability and sexuality issues and a disabled woman living with a mobility impairment.
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination
with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of
sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.
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